We all have been there when life seems to come to a complete stop, and we don’t know what direction to go in. How many times has this happened for you? Once, twice or is this an ongoing theme in life?
From a young age, you are taught to rely on others for your happiness and sense of self-identity. You become your father’s daughter, your mother’s look-alike, or your aunt’s best friend. Then off to college, where you eagerly begin to take on your own identity and start to carve out “your” life.
Mother and father teach you, and for twenty-some years you rely on someone else for life experiences. You watched and absorbed almost all the family behaviors during our early years, mimicked mom, and loved to be with dad, who had sculpted you into who you are today.
It’s in our twenties when the insulation from the family falls away, and we are out on our own and experience life. Either we get fired for the first time, fall in love and endure a break-up or some other tragic event takes place, and suddenly we’re feeling sad, lonely and struggling. From depending on others to know carving out your own life is a transition and learning experience. Astrologically it’s a significant transition with the Saturn return. We switch the focus from the outer world to the inner self to see what is programmed within and how we can get out of suffering.
Here we are.
It’s a challenging feeling, aloneness, a deep need to connect with ourselves but unsure how to do it. It’s easy to please others, but not so easy to please ourselves. The focus on pleasing others is a learned behavior from childhood to get attention, usually negative attention.
In life, we don’t take the time and make an effort to pay attention to ourselves—and our needs, want and desires. Often, parents praise us, and now as an adult, we rely on that praise to feel good about ourselves.
Time for a change.
A spiritual journey or Buddhist path is about learning who you are from the inside out. Especially Buddhism is about letting the ego go. Every time you want to please someone for your gratification or needs, it’s an ego game. Your earlier life experiences were all drenched in ego unless, of course, your parents were mindful people.
You learn in life to get your needs met from the ego, but you don’t learn to look within yourself to heal the past and move beyond the impasses of fear, hurt and anger.
You also don’t learn how to manage your inner self. Or understand what makes you happy and how to get to that happiness. More so now, there are more opportunities available with yoga, group meditations, spiritual retreats.
It’s about taking your attention off the outer world and what others can do for you, to your inner self, and to what you can do for yourself. The outward symptoms of disconnection with your inner self are feeling lost, depressed, anxious, angry, vengeful, defensive and fearful—all ego attributes.
The spiritual journey guides you to walk down the path of self-understanding and self-responsibility, with self-responsibility being the most significant aspect of knowing your inner self. It’s in the bible, “Know thy Self.”
You are responsible for how your life turns out.
Meditation is difficult to keep the mind still. What arises in the mind is guilt, shame, blame, conflicts, disappointments, hurt, and resolving the emotional memories attached to the past experiences.
It’s why silent meditation is so potent. Everything comes up, and there’s no one to talk to but you. In silent meditation retreats, you don’t get another person’s opinion on what to do.
Yoga is a relationship between you and your body. Keep the mind present, and you won’t fall over.
Zen Buddhism is the strictest of all meditation practices. It’s that way to help you not get distracted by the outer world or other people. In Zen meditation, a person looks at the wall or walks with their eyes down, again not to entice the ego to question anything.
Feeling Lost
Feeling lost is the symptom of no connection with your inner self. You don’t know what makes you happy or even sad. You’ve lost that loving feeling, and change is necessary.
Develop a Relationship with the Self
- Ask yourself -How do I feel today?
- Commit yourself
- Sticking to the commitment
- Making yourself a priority out of compassion
- Liking yourself and eventually loving yourself (it’s challenging to love a stranger)
- Take the focus off the outer world and what others say
- Place the emphasis on your heart and inner thoughts
- Recite mantras—keeps the mind focused
- Set up a daily meditation or yoga practice
- Go dancing or singing. Start painting.
- Do things you love to do
You need to make an effort for yourself. Nothing in life is more powerful than relying on yourself without fear or doubt. It will show in your outer world. How your carry yourself, your vibes, how you do your job and how you look at life. Others will want to be with you, and you’ll feel a deep sense of accomplishment and satisfaction with life.
Guided meditations are helpful because you can keep the mind focused on another voice.
Purify Your Body Temple. New updated guided meditation.
