Betrayal has a long history and highlights many historical epochs. William Shakespeare said, “There is no art to read the mind’s construction on the face; however certain signs can alert that somebody whom you trust might likely betray you. Therefore, you must apply caution and be sensitive to certain realities. A loyal follower betrayed Jesus, and betrayal has a long lineage in our culture.
Traditionally betrayal is the breaking or violation of trust and is first experienced from earlier life experiences, especially between a child and parent. Betrayal exposes human nature, which is often not faithful or trustworthy.
We all want happiness, peace of mind, and partners to trust. Betrayal begins early when parents break the fragile trust with their children. As adults, we don’t think about our children’s fragile nature, and simple gestures of forgetting to pick up a child at school or running late without communicating can cause the child to feel betrayed. Or for a parent not to show up to a school play, sporting event, or PTA meeting.
Betrayal is heartbreaking, traumatic, and causes emotional pain and suffering. It puts us in a hyper-aware state of flight or flees of caution towards everyone, especially loved ones and family members. It breaks our hearts and disrupts our ability to function in life. Betrayal robs us of healthy life experiences. It can traumatize our sanity and causes us to be extremely suspicious of anything new.
The people we expect to have our backs don’t, and it causes us to wonder who we can trust? Self-doubt and anger seep in and keep betrayal active in our minds and hearts. Did you know the main cause of anxiety disorders, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and PTSD in particular (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), has its origins in betrayal?
Healing Process
As children, we are traumatized by parents’ actions or non-actions, and with no recourse or enough emotional sophistication, adults have to understand and properly respond to life encounters. Healing from betraying is about rebuilding trust. It begins with you.
Emotional healing takes a look at deep issues of betrayal and trauma. The first step to healing from betrayal is forgiveness. Often challenging, start with yourself—forgive yourself for putting yourself in this relationship or work situation, and when you are ready, forgive others. This takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Also, take back your personal power from the experiences that caused the betrayal. As an adult, and in hindsight, look at the emotional experience either in work-related or personal relationships that caused the feeling of betrayal with new eyes. What did you contribute to the situation or not? Were you too naïve? Ask yourself, what did I learn from the betrayal experience and move on from there.
